I. 🍦LICKING THE ICE-CREAM: understanding how I feel.

disrespect is the delicacy I desire most -

For some reason,

People despise hot sunny days,

Especially the afternoons 

Where the scorching heat envelops you.

I find it amusing,

I find it quite soothing. 

When the sun kisses my face 

Hugs my body with warmth

And heals my soul. 

No matter how much the light on my body stings me, 

No matter how much it loves the taste of my ashes

No matter how much it overpowers my sense of balmy control,

It’s still love, no matter how much it corrodes -

It’s still warmth, regardless of the drops of fire my emotions sweat -

It’s still care, regardless of the rays piercing my dried-up soul;

I fall in love with people who treat me like shit.

I fall in love with the delectable dessert of hate.

I am in love with that feeling;

Where disrespect is the standard

And my feelings, the side character.

I yearn for them to finally change their minds,

But who am I to decide?

When I myself choose to - Lick the hate-flavoured ice-cream,

And get overjoyed when the sun falls on its knees;

To show me my true destiny-

A fantastic feeling of ballistic, heavenly heat. 

It doesn't matter if it burns me,

It's love. And this sort of love never bends.

My sun will never bend for me:

When its light gets too much.

But it's high time I reveal to it,

The moon still exists.

And even though I savour the searingly sweet sunny afternoons, 

I know my true loyalty belongs to the butterfly-blessed nights. 

II. 🤨 CRUNCHING ON THE CONE: dissecting the pros and cons of too much "light."

Salut (hello in French), my lovely stars! 

I hope your week was pleasant and you all are doing weeelll!! :D

As you must have read from the poem above,

 Let's talk about: tough love.

I love tough love.

However, I didn't really get to choose. And if you don't get to choose?

Is it really love then?

I am not talking about tough love through a single lens. 

What I mean to say is that I want people who don't like me but care for me to show me that they love me, but not in an insular manner. 

Very needy. I know. Gosh.

But the thing is, we often misunderstand tough love and are much too lenient with it. It's totally okay for our mentors, teachers, parents, and peers to guide us and help us out using methods that are more rigorous and, at times, harsh. But only to an extent. Of course, it's not in my hands to decide how they choose to nurture me, yet it still stings, you know?

These days, I have been feeling quite pushed, not necessarily in a negative manner but in a stressful and dismissive way.

I don't want to feel bad when the people who are supposed to be my mentors always push me to my best capabilities. But at times it feels coldly surgical - like they don’t have even a single kind cell growing in their body. 

LIKE I GET IT BUT STOP SCREAMING FOR NO REASON ALL THE DAMN TIME FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Furthermore, I also feel so annoyed when some mentors show a completely different side of themselves to others. 

Like, for example, in schools - 

Many teachers have favourites. They say they don't. BUT SURE BUDDY. sure.

Moreover, they'll have a heart of stone for some students, but for others, they'll put them on a pedestal and be soft-hearted. WHILST BOTH OF THESE CATEGORIES ARE EXCEPTIONALLY BRILLIANT AND ON AN EQUAL LEVEL.

Like it's so UNFAIR. 🥀

Definitely not inspired by real-life events. Mind you, I have EXCEPTIONALLY BRILLIANT perceptional intuition.

Anyways, it infuriates me, even though it shouldn't, even though it doesn't matter, and even though it's all for "my best."

But what happens when this push to be the best becomes a push to feel the worst?When it becomes blatant disrespect?

Since I am an exceptional case, I want these pushers, aka the suns. TO treat me the same way, to appreciate me, to love me, to praise me, cause you can't always be so rude now, can you? NO. Bohoo :(

That's why I fall in love with the feeling of tough love cause if I don't fall in love with it, it'll make me fall, fall into the pits of feeling like shit.

III. 🌼 FINISHING THE LAST BITE AND APPLYING SUNSCREAM: accepting reality and protecting my energy.

Ultimately, what I have adapted to and so can you is that;

There should be limits. 

DO NOT TOLERATE DISRESPECT!

Your teachers, parents, and mentors may always want the best for you. DUH.But at times, don't let their harshness bring you down.The harshness is brutal and, in many aspects, sometimes some more than others. 

What matters most is: Selective Absorption. 🔆

This teacher doesn't like me and treats me unfairly? whatever.

An authority figure always screams at me for absolutely no reason? I am emotionally withdrawing.

The person whom I look up to always puts the ones who don't do shit on a pedestal? Good for them. I ain't spending my energy on this.

Nonetheless, even I struggle with this SO MUCH. Like sadly, real life is CRUEL. Not everyone will like, just like you don't like everyone.

It's best to move forward, staying focused and improving yourself on the basis of constructive criticism by your trusted and insightful mentors!

Lastly, the best teacher you have is yourself. LITERALLY you can be healthily obsessed with yourself and simultaneously be firm whilst rightly guiding you. So my dear sparkly stars - yeah, accept it when you're wrong. Keep striving for excellence. But don't be dependent solely on others' guidance. ESPECIALLY when it's disguised as disrespect. 

Have some confidence and faith in what you're doing for God's sake.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

IV. 🌟SERVING BRILLIANCE WITH MY SUNGLASSES: owning my shit and trusting my capabilities.

“All my life, used the best lotions, finest soaps, nicest oils, and fanciest perfumes to keep my skin nice, only to find out I need thick, hard skin to survive. Oh, the irony.”
― Liz Faublas-Wallace

In the end -

Respect bejewelled my table. Disrespect taught me how to build my own.

The sun taught me the danger of light. The moon taught me the necessity of creating my own.

...

Until then

With the warmest kind of tough love,

XOXO,

MaryTheLamp 🧚‍♀️